My parents didn’t “do” credit cards, so when I got myself in a similar predicament after college, I had to figure out balance transfers at 0% for however many months and worked it down that way. My mother would absolutely not “loan” me money and I don’t even have to ask. My dad would but he would want to know every cent I spent and on what and guilt me for it. No thanks. They really should start teaching money management in high school.
That’s the route I ended up taking. Consolidated with a low-interest loan. And yes, the strings attached when a parent helps out can sometimes mean it’s not worth it.
No it’s not. A 2024 report showed only 25 states offer personal finance classes in their high schools. But they do expect more states will make personal finance a requirement for graduation.
Help is for the weak. 😉 Kidding. I still hate asking for help. For me, though, it’s that I don’t want to put anyone out, don’t want to be a bother. Gen X and an only child. Definitely a loner, Dottie. And a rebel.
I feel like that’s more my reason for not wanting to ask for help - I don’t want to be a bother. I wonder how many boomers and silent gen people sighed dramatically and let me know it was a huge inconvenience every time I needed something as a kid.
So many points of your post resonate with me. The credit card concept, for sure. I also had the exact same surprising reaction from my father the one time I said, “oh my god”, in his presence! You’d described the red-cheeked skin flush perfectly. I felt that same way when I was chided for saying that. My parents were conservative baptists, so I chalked up his corrective reaction to our religion, even though I didn’t think it was taking the lord’s name in vain. I never questioned why I was chastised for saying it and no one offered a deeper explanation. As Gen- Xers, were SO left to our own devices then, we had to figure almost EVERYTHING out ourselves. Being raised that way built a resourcefulness in me that has been very useful, but the aversion to asking for help became a terrifying and detrimental shadow in my early adulthood. It has taken me a while to unlearn that part.
My mother never let us touch any money. Every birthday, Christmas our grandparents (3 sets) would give us $10 and my mom would make us put it in the bank. The one time I took it out was when she spent $30 on my sister’s camera on her birthday. Then I was allowed to withdraw the other $20 for for the $50 camera I wanted.
We got a penny a day until we were ten; then a quarter a week. The only way we got money was if we did not use our lunch money.
So I had no effing idea how to handle money. She gave me the checkbook at 14 and of course I spent it all in one week. Starting with The Blue Album and a pair of designer jeans for $30 (some of it I lost by trusting others and lending).
At that point I was giddy to spend so I started babysitting like crazy.
If I had been able to spend those checks on fun stuff my whole childhood it would have been awesome. As it is I was happy for a week.
But my mother’s philosophy was you get nothing you don’t earn. Never got a new piece of clothing till age 14 except corrective shoes. This is why I have about 3 closets full of clothes and like 50 pairs of shoes.
She taught me to completely fuck up financially. I’m sure she wanted me to spend my money wisely and certainly both expected and was disgusted that I spent it like I did, but it never would have occurred to her once to prepare me in any way.
My parents didn’t give us an allowance. “Money doesn’t grow on trees” was what counted as financial advice in our house. I started earning babysitting money at 12, got my first real job at 16, and proceeded to spend every paycheck on typical teen stuff: clothes, makeup, music.
My mother told me, at the age of 12, that they couldn’t afford me anymore. I could live at home and eat the food but any clothes (even underwear), music, field trips etc. I had to pay for. And I did. I started with a paper route and have never NOT worked a day in my life.
This is why some of us are exhausted at 50 - so many of us started working at 12! This entire article and comments resonate. We are the “figure it out“ generation that definitely knows how to innovate, out of necessity.
I had supportive parents but much was expected of me at a young age. My dad was a combat veteran from Vietnam War. He was drafted, shot twice, sprayed with Agent Orange and came home from the military an amputee. He had a lot going on managing PTSD symptoms with alcohol and high risk behavior. Despite all that he still managed to protect and provide for me and show me love. But, he had a temper and didn't hesitate to unleash when his expectations went unmet. His expectations were high for hard work done right no excuses. My mom was a saint who worked so hard. At a young age I filled in the gaps and now have no idea how to ask for help.
Right there with you, Gen X guy here raised by indifferent Boomers. Definitely had a crash course in life when I moved out at 18. I'm not saying I wanted someone to do things for me but it wouldn't have killed them to maybe teach me some things and show some interest.
You wrote: "adults were a massive disappointment, typically unreliable, and didn’t always have our backs." This was also my experience. There were a handful who were actually positive and they made a huge difference in my life. I still remember them. A teacher, a friend's mom, a bookstore owner, and others.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I was just talking with a fellow genxer about something similar. We both lack basic budgeting skills. There were no financial classes in our respective high schools. We had the option of home economics or shop. I left home at seventeen due to problems with addiction and an abusive stepfather. I will give him some credit for mellowing out when he got older and he did help me out financially later in life. I think was more my mom's doing than any compassion on his part. But, what really struck me about your story was your dad's complete lack of interest in getting to know you. I had a very close relationship with my mother, we talked books, movies, interests, fears, well everything. I'm pretty sure my stepfather went to his death without knowing my favorite color or really anything about my interests. I can also say that I didn't really make an effort to know anything about him. We never had that bond.
I wish I could say the same, but my mom was exactly like my dad in that way. Until I started reading up on what sociologists say about Gen X, I had no idea this was something GenXers had in common.
The stuff you describe about money, asking for help, and family, are deeply relatable.
Can you recommend and resources for GenX sociology? I know that the way I grew up affected how I think and live today, but most books I've encountered about generational sociology are "Boomer/Milennial," or more recently about GenZ/Alpha.
I was going to point you in the direction of Jean Twenge's Substack but I noticed she's been more focused on Generations Z and A lately, lol. Nonetheless, she's a great resource (even though she's a psychologist not a sociologist), she's written several books including one called "Generations: the real differences between Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, Boomers, and Silents"
I am Gen X and was raised by free range parents. I used to think they took pleasure in my trial and error failures. But, with age, I have come to believe they simply did not know how to parent their precocious and adventurous child.
The sad part of this is allowing yourself to ask for help, and be helped, is an essential part of the experience of being human; because you will almost certainly need help at some point in your life, even if that's only near its end. Allowing yourself to be helped also is a gift to those who help you; it empowers them + shows that they *can* have a positive impact in the world, by using their agency well.
GenX recovering addict (25 years sober). I STILL hate asking for help and that is a crux of recovery. The old “if you want something done right you do it yourself” started in the crib! Tough to unlearn deep roots but of course it CAN be done. Just takes longer.
So true. This is very relatable. Not specific to financial management, but it was ingrained in me from a young age that you don’t ask for help. Be strong, do it yourself and don’t whine or complain. It makes for a very hard transition to adulthood. There’s a way to teach independence and resilience without teaching children that they can’t ask for help.
Well said, agree 💯. Those things aren’t mutually exclusive, and I might even argue children will become more independent & resilient as adults when they’re given more support & wisdom to thrive instead of merely get by.
In my late teens I had started working and gotten to know older adults with kids at the church I started going to (on my own). I was astounded to hear some of them actually liked their children, and enjoyed having them around during school holidays.
My parents didn’t “do” credit cards, so when I got myself in a similar predicament after college, I had to figure out balance transfers at 0% for however many months and worked it down that way. My mother would absolutely not “loan” me money and I don’t even have to ask. My dad would but he would want to know every cent I spent and on what and guilt me for it. No thanks. They really should start teaching money management in high school.
That’s the route I ended up taking. Consolidated with a low-interest loan. And yes, the strings attached when a parent helps out can sometimes mean it’s not worth it.
Yes it would be great if Highschool had a life skills class.
They do now - current high schoolers at least in my state can’t graduate without passing financial literacy
I just saw Michigan Gov Whitmer also instituted financial literacy classes, let’s hope every state goes this route soon.
Yes!
It's called Consumer Economics, and is available at most High Schools.
No it’s not. A 2024 report showed only 25 states offer personal finance classes in their high schools. But they do expect more states will make personal finance a requirement for graduation.
Help is for the weak. 😉 Kidding. I still hate asking for help. For me, though, it’s that I don’t want to put anyone out, don’t want to be a bother. Gen X and an only child. Definitely a loner, Dottie. And a rebel.
I feel like that’s more my reason for not wanting to ask for help - I don’t want to be a bother. I wonder how many boomers and silent gen people sighed dramatically and let me know it was a huge inconvenience every time I needed something as a kid.
Enough to make us internalize it for the rest of our lives. 🫠
“Help is for the weak” - isn’t that the knee jerk reaction all us Gen-Xers have?🤔
I’m 48 and still trying to figure out what people mean when they say “asking for help is a good thing”🤯
So many points of your post resonate with me. The credit card concept, for sure. I also had the exact same surprising reaction from my father the one time I said, “oh my god”, in his presence! You’d described the red-cheeked skin flush perfectly. I felt that same way when I was chided for saying that. My parents were conservative baptists, so I chalked up his corrective reaction to our religion, even though I didn’t think it was taking the lord’s name in vain. I never questioned why I was chastised for saying it and no one offered a deeper explanation. As Gen- Xers, were SO left to our own devices then, we had to figure almost EVERYTHING out ourselves. Being raised that way built a resourcefulness in me that has been very useful, but the aversion to asking for help became a terrifying and detrimental shadow in my early adulthood. It has taken me a while to unlearn that part.
My mother never let us touch any money. Every birthday, Christmas our grandparents (3 sets) would give us $10 and my mom would make us put it in the bank. The one time I took it out was when she spent $30 on my sister’s camera on her birthday. Then I was allowed to withdraw the other $20 for for the $50 camera I wanted.
We got a penny a day until we were ten; then a quarter a week. The only way we got money was if we did not use our lunch money.
So I had no effing idea how to handle money. She gave me the checkbook at 14 and of course I spent it all in one week. Starting with The Blue Album and a pair of designer jeans for $30 (some of it I lost by trusting others and lending).
At that point I was giddy to spend so I started babysitting like crazy.
If I had been able to spend those checks on fun stuff my whole childhood it would have been awesome. As it is I was happy for a week.
But my mother’s philosophy was you get nothing you don’t earn. Never got a new piece of clothing till age 14 except corrective shoes. This is why I have about 3 closets full of clothes and like 50 pairs of shoes.
She taught me to completely fuck up financially. I’m sure she wanted me to spend my money wisely and certainly both expected and was disgusted that I spent it like I did, but it never would have occurred to her once to prepare me in any way.
My parents didn’t give us an allowance. “Money doesn’t grow on trees” was what counted as financial advice in our house. I started earning babysitting money at 12, got my first real job at 16, and proceeded to spend every paycheck on typical teen stuff: clothes, makeup, music.
My mother told me, at the age of 12, that they couldn’t afford me anymore. I could live at home and eat the food but any clothes (even underwear), music, field trips etc. I had to pay for. And I did. I started with a paper route and have never NOT worked a day in my life.
UGH what an awful thing to say to a 12 year old 💔 That must’ve been tough
This is why some of us are exhausted at 50 - so many of us started working at 12! This entire article and comments resonate. We are the “figure it out“ generation that definitely knows how to innovate, out of necessity.
I had supportive parents but much was expected of me at a young age. My dad was a combat veteran from Vietnam War. He was drafted, shot twice, sprayed with Agent Orange and came home from the military an amputee. He had a lot going on managing PTSD symptoms with alcohol and high risk behavior. Despite all that he still managed to protect and provide for me and show me love. But, he had a temper and didn't hesitate to unleash when his expectations went unmet. His expectations were high for hard work done right no excuses. My mom was a saint who worked so hard. At a young age I filled in the gaps and now have no idea how to ask for help.
I hate this for you. My dad died when I was 14, and my mother was no help, so I understand the no support part. But your dad, wow.
Right there with you, Gen X guy here raised by indifferent Boomers. Definitely had a crash course in life when I moved out at 18. I'm not saying I wanted someone to do things for me but it wouldn't have killed them to maybe teach me some things and show some interest.
You wrote: "adults were a massive disappointment, typically unreliable, and didn’t always have our backs." This was also my experience. There were a handful who were actually positive and they made a huge difference in my life. I still remember them. A teacher, a friend's mom, a bookstore owner, and others.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I was just talking with a fellow genxer about something similar. We both lack basic budgeting skills. There were no financial classes in our respective high schools. We had the option of home economics or shop. I left home at seventeen due to problems with addiction and an abusive stepfather. I will give him some credit for mellowing out when he got older and he did help me out financially later in life. I think was more my mom's doing than any compassion on his part. But, what really struck me about your story was your dad's complete lack of interest in getting to know you. I had a very close relationship with my mother, we talked books, movies, interests, fears, well everything. I'm pretty sure my stepfather went to his death without knowing my favorite color or really anything about my interests. I can also say that I didn't really make an effort to know anything about him. We never had that bond.
You’re so fortunate to have that with your mom ❤️
I wish I could say the same, but my mom was exactly like my dad in that way. Until I started reading up on what sociologists say about Gen X, I had no idea this was something GenXers had in common.
The stuff you describe about money, asking for help, and family, are deeply relatable.
Can you recommend and resources for GenX sociology? I know that the way I grew up affected how I think and live today, but most books I've encountered about generational sociology are "Boomer/Milennial," or more recently about GenZ/Alpha.
I was going to point you in the direction of Jean Twenge's Substack but I noticed she's been more focused on Generations Z and A lately, lol. Nonetheless, she's a great resource (even though she's a psychologist not a sociologist), she's written several books including one called "Generations: the real differences between Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, Boomers, and Silents"
I am Gen X and was raised by free range parents. I used to think they took pleasure in my trial and error failures. But, with age, I have come to believe they simply did not know how to parent their precocious and adventurous child.
Yes, I’ve come to realize some of what they failed to teach me was because they were ignorant of these things, too.
Yep this is true , I’ve always hated asking for help
The sad part of this is allowing yourself to ask for help, and be helped, is an essential part of the experience of being human; because you will almost certainly need help at some point in your life, even if that's only near its end. Allowing yourself to be helped also is a gift to those who help you; it empowers them + shows that they *can* have a positive impact in the world, by using their agency well.
Relatable. Nobody taught me how to balance my checkbook. I figured it out myself.
GenX recovering addict (25 years sober). I STILL hate asking for help and that is a crux of recovery. The old “if you want something done right you do it yourself” started in the crib! Tough to unlearn deep roots but of course it CAN be done. Just takes longer.
So true. This is very relatable. Not specific to financial management, but it was ingrained in me from a young age that you don’t ask for help. Be strong, do it yourself and don’t whine or complain. It makes for a very hard transition to adulthood. There’s a way to teach independence and resilience without teaching children that they can’t ask for help.
Well said, agree 💯. Those things aren’t mutually exclusive, and I might even argue children will become more independent & resilient as adults when they’re given more support & wisdom to thrive instead of merely get by.
In my late teens I had started working and gotten to know older adults with kids at the church I started going to (on my own). I was astounded to hear some of them actually liked their children, and enjoyed having them around during school holidays.