The Real Reason Generation X Is The Forgotten Generation, Part Deux

We weren't just quiet about our achievements, we were quiet about our struggles

In my previous post on this topic, I focused on the real reasons we received the nickname The Forgotten Generation: we didn’t congratulate ourselves and expect applause for our achievements. But there’s more to it than that, of course: our voices were stifled instead of nurtured.

Things GenXers grew up hearing on the reg:

“Shut up or I’ll give you something to cry about”

“I brought you into this world, I can take you out”

“Because I said so”

“Don’t tell other people about private family stuff, what we do is none of their business”

To be clear, my mom wasn’t like this at all but I knew plenty of other kids for whom this is barely an exaggeration

When we expressed disappointment or a desire not to do something, we were told to “quit whining” even when we weren’t whining. Emotions were oppressed, non-emergency injuries were ignored, and explanations were dismissed as “excuses”. Generally speaking, our parents often treated us like things to be tolerated instead of cherished.

It was not uncommon for parents to boss their kids around to do things for them, even minor things they could’ve done themselves. It’s like an entire generation believed the purpose of having children is so they could be their house slaves. My mom wasn’t like this, but I witnessed this behavior at friend’s houses. I remember being horrified for them. “Sherry! Get me my cigarettes!” Sherry would jump up from the morning cartoons we were watching to run into the kitchen and bring them to her mom who could’ve gotten her lazy ass up to fetch her cancer sticks herself. Were these friends ever allowed to ask questions or say no? Of course, if they wanted to be punished.

According to psychologists, sociologists, and market researchers, GenXers share certain characteristics and personality traits from being “the least parented generation in US history” during the rise in home video games, home movies, cable TV, serial killers, divorce, child abductions, and Reaganomics. Generally speaking, we struggle with self-esteem or confidence, but we’re also resilient, hyper-independent, cynical, skeptical, nostalgic, young-at-heart, tech savvy, resourceful, adaptable, and direct communicators who value work/life balance.

Now look at some of the shared traits among adult survivors of childhood neglect, according to mental health experts:

Hyper-Independence— feel people are unreliable, resist asking for help

Emotional Numbness—learned as children that emotions should be suppressed

Trust Issues—due to parental dishonesty, unreliability, and lack of accountability

Low Self-Esteem—received the message their opinions, desires, feelings, and achievements don’t matter

Depression—feel little control or agency over life, develop a ‘whatever’ attitude

Little Respect For Authority—see all of the above

But wait—that’s not all! You know how Baby Boomers were called the Me Generation? Look at some of the shared traits of adult children of narcissistic parents, also according to mental health experts:

Struggle To Assert Needs—parent’s needs were prioritized, child’s needs and desires were oppressed or ignored

Issues With Confidence—children internalized the narcissist’s criticisms and were rarely praised/seen

Persistent Sense of Failure/Inadequacy—narcissistic parent had high expectations or no expectations, child lacked validation and guidance

Early Sexual Behaviors—possibly in search of love/validation not received at home

GenXers, on average, had their first sexual experience earlier in age than other generations, and currently has more sex than Boomers, Millennials, and elder Zoomers (enter salacious double-entendre about us being the Sandwich Generation here).

It’s unsurprising that we seek therapy less than younger generations do. In the ‘70s and ‘80s, therapy was only for war vets struggling with PTSD, anorexics, or people who hear voices. The prevailing attitude of the time was that you should “tough it out”, never mind airing your dirty laundry. What happens in the family, stays in the family.

It’s not difficult to see how a generation largely raised free-range by authoritarian parents who were quick to use spanking as “discipline” but slow to provide useful guidance or emotional support would become adults who never learned to use their voice.

It’s also not difficult to see why the GenXers who did learn to use their voice, used it to express all that bottled up contempt, righteous fury, and feelings of inadequacy in the grunge and alt rock music of the glorious ‘90s. Songs like “Creep” by Radiohead, “Loser” by Beck, and Alanis Morissette’s “You Oughta Know” were revolutionary and cathartic. It’s almost like they grew up hearing they shouldn’t talk about their feelings and said “Fine, I’ll sing about them instead”.

Hole’s Live Through This is the epitome of melancholic Gen X rage about everything from eating disorders to sexual assault

GenXers didn’t toot our own horns or cry about our pains because we were determined to be the opposite of our parents. We may have been neglected but our cultural impact will never be forgotten.