5 Songs From the '80s That Are Dark AF

And by 'dark' I don't mean the good kind, like chocolate

Tell me if this has ever happened to you: one of your favorite songs from childhood plays and you’re like, “I love this song! I haven’t heard it in ages!” So you crank it up and jam out, perhaps with your kids, and for the first time you’re noticing some of the lyrics are creepy. Paying full attention now, you come to the realization there’s a story there you hadn’t picked up on as a tyke. Holy fuck—what is this song actually about?

One of the earliest examples of this for me happened when I was driving to work back in the ‘90s and “Don’t Stand So Close To Me” by The Police came on the radio. I’d apparently never really listened to the lyrics when I was young because this time around the story became clear: it’s about a teacher dealing with his attraction to an underage student and getting caught being inappropriate with her (or worse). Not necessarily a dark topic but a lascivious one, anyway. I’ve since read that Sting worked as a teacher before forming his band, but he denies the song is autobiographical. Uh-huh. Sure, Jan.

Without further ado, here are 5 songs you may or may not have realized were dark AF.

“867-5309 (Jenny)” by Tommy Tutone, 1981

This banger was getting constant radio play back in the day and I bet some of you are still sick of it. I remember thinking it was just a love song about a dude who met his girlfriend by calling her “name and number, on the wall” of a bathroom, the sort of meet-cute you’d see in a romantic comedy. Then I watched the music video for the first time last year—my interpretation had been all wrong.

Tommy Heath, the lead singer and guitarist, says the song is about a stalker. Of course! There are several clues I missed, like the lyrics “I need to make you mine”.

“Der Kommissar” by After The Fire, 1982.

I remember happily rollerskating to this pop song as a kid even though I had no clue what the fuck they were saying. They might as well have been playing the original German version sung by Falco. Listening to this some years ago while washing dishes, a few lyrics stood out to me. Namely these lines:

“…the more you live the faster you will die…”

“…he’s got the power, and you’re so weak…your frustration will not let you speak…”

It turns out this song was about teen drug addicts living on the streets, running from Der Kommissar (the commissioner) to avoid jail. This explains the lyrics “…she’s climbing on the wall…” and “they’re slipping on the same snow”. Yikes—just say no, kids.

“Obsession” by Animotion, 1984

Dude. My husband and I cranked up the volume when this ‘80s synth heaven started playing on the car radio recently with our 13 year old son in the back seat. Our son kept saying, “That’s sus” and “That’s crazy” pretty much throughout the song. It doesn’t have just 1 lewd line or 1 questionable chorus, the entire song raises eyebrows.

“I will have you, yes I will have you…I will find a way, and I will have you…like a butterfly, a wild butterfly…I will collect you and capture you”.

You might be saying “No duh, Liz. The song’s title is literally ‘Obsession’—did you think it was about the Calvin Klein perfume?” But it’s not that I forgot it was a song about the desire to possess someone, I just hadn’t realized how insanely deranged the lyrics were.

It makes total sense when you learn that Micheal Des Barres wrote it after recovering from a heroin addiction. The song is actually about the addict’s obsession with drugs, but some of the lyrics were altered to reflect romantic obsession instead. The above lyrics were inspired by the 1965 film The Collector.

“99 Luft Balloons” by Nena, 1983

Once again, I had no idea as a child what the fuck this song was about. I just knew I loved this danceable, joyful ditty about a ridiculous number of balloons flying through the air. What’s with all the happy-sounding songs hiding twisted tales? No wonder Gen X grew up to be cynics who question authority.

This German band was actually expressing Cold War fears with this hit song about an imagined nuclear war breaking out after government officials panic at the sight of 99 red balloons floating overhead, mistaking them for threats of biological attack or something like that, when the balloons were simply released by a child who wanted to watch them go. Guitarist Carlo Karges wrote it in protest of American missiles in Europe.

I clearly paid almost no attention to lyrics when I was little because when I hear the song now, it’s fairly obvious what’s going on:

“99 red balloons, floating in the summer sky…panic bells, it’s red alert…there’s something here from somewhere else…the war machine springs to life…”

She’s like, can we all not kill each other over some stupid bullshit, please

“Every Breath You Take” by The Police, 1983

If this wasn’t the first song that popped into mind when you read the title of my post, can you even call yourself Gen X? Just like Animotion’s hit “Obsession”, this is a catchy tune about the abusive desire to possess someone. Unlike the other song though, this one was soulful and haunting in a way that tricked people into mistaking it for a love song. Sting has lamented during interviews how many married couples told him “Every Breath You Take” was their wedding song. He said he wrote it after the media caught wind of his affair with his wife’s friend and the resulting divorce. “It’s about jealousy, surveillance, and ownership”, he explained.

“Every move you make…every vow you break…every smile you fake…every claim you stake…I’ll be watching you”

Ya think maybe we grew up receiving terrible messages about what love is? I mean, fucking YIKES.

Ladies, no matter how amazing his musical skills, hair, and cheekbones are: if he’s making this face at you, RUN