Why Gen X Doesn't Give A F*ck

*some exceptions apply, see individual for details

When I first noticed Gen-Xers were routinely portrayed this way on social media, I scoffed. “That’s ridiculous”, I’d say out loud to myself. “I give a fuck about a lot of things: class inequality…racism…how to make pizza taste as amazing as it did when I was 8…”

As a lifelong activist at heart, I didn’t see myself reflected in this massive mischaracterization of our cohort. Sure, I can be bluntly honest when necessary and nobody in their right mind would describe me as a passive doormat, but that’s because I give a poo about integrity, authenticity, and trust. I’m not some sociopathic douche canoe who doesn’t care about things that matter.

That’s when it hit me: What it really means is Gen X doesn’t give a fuck about maintaining the status quo, keeping up with the Joneses, and doing what we’re told. We don’t conform to our parents’ expectations, we dress how we want, we do what we want. That was also the moment I realized I’m a GenX stereotype.

A little over 20 years ago, I was working as a hostess in a super busy, somewhat fancy Asian restaurant in Orange County, CA. Occasionally one of the servers would come stomping up to the host stand to angrily bitch about getting triple-seated or no tables, to which I’d have to school them harshly on how hosting works. “Guests request which tables they want to sit at, you’re out of your mind if you expect us to tell them no—they can’t sit at that booth—they have to sit at this table. When we tried to make guests continue waiting in the lobby for the table they want, they complained because they’re hangry and one of the managers got mad at us for allowing empty tables. So guests get seated immediately WHEREVER THEY WANT, now fuck off.” My fellow host David, who was Gen Y, would marvel at my apparent disinterest in playing nice. He’d literally stand there in bemused amazement and then when I was done and the server slinked away, he’d say with a smile on his face, “I love watching you tell them off!”

It’s more important to be respected than liked if being liked by someone requires diminishing yourself and taking their stupid shit.

I used to wonder if one of the reasons I never had the slightest desire to join the corporate rat race, climb the ladder, and break the glass ceiling is because I’ve never felt the need to prove myself worthy to others. I’ve always lacked a competitive streak, I can’t relate to that deep-seated need for approval that seems to be necessary in order to achieve wealth and status. My attitude is basically “You either recognize my worth as a human being or you don’t. I’m not going to kiss your ass, oppress myself, and let you mistreat me so I might reap status and wealth at some unknown later date.” But I wondered if this was a personality flaw. Was there something wrong with me for having zero interest in playing the games society set up for us?

I mean, I didn’t even create a Facebook profile until 2009 when my 12-years-younger best friend Carrie made me. I told her I thought Facebook (and MySpace) were juvenile. They felt like high school popularity contests, adults embarrassingly vying for the most “friends”. She begged, “But this will be how we can easily keep in touch after I move!” Ugh, she was right. So she helped me create my profile and I’m forever grateful because that’s how I met my husband, Terry.

This non-conformist attitude is why GenX is known for producing the greatest number of entrepreneurs in American history. We didn’t give a flying fuck about committing ourselves to one company, becoming workaholics, and obliging the rules our parents’ generations set up. Latchkey kids grew up to understand the importance of being a plugged-in parent and achieving work-life balance.

Well, not everything in life is temporary…like DEATH

Sociologists often describe us as anti-establishment cynics who question authority and live life by our own rules. I had no idea I was textbook GenX before reading up on all this stuff. My skepticism and disobedience is what led me to become an atheist at 23, a vegetarian at 26, a vegan animal-rights activist at 28, back to vegetarian at 33, and a nude art model at 34 (how I met my photographer hubby). Then Terry and I spent around $4k getting hitched in the California desert with a handful of friends because we didn’t give a fuck about making the wedding industry richer by paying their exorbitant fees just to throw a party. Since then, I’ve learned that studies show the less expensive a wedding, the longer the marriage lasts.

I suspect Gen X is like this because we learned that most adults were a raging disappointment at an early age. So we collectively shrugged our shoulders and said “Well…whatever…never mind…”