All I Really Need To Know I Learned From Sitcoms

All those 'Very Special' episodes taught GenXers some very special life lessons

Like most GenXers, I watched TV a lot when I was a kid. And by “a lot” I mean when my older brother wasn’t hogging the TV watching wrestling, I wasn’t playing outside all day during Minnesota’s warmer months, or I wasn’t reading books during the freezing months. Which sounds like I didn’t actually watch TV much, but my Rain Man-esque knowledge of ‘70s and ‘80s TV sitcoms says otherwise.

I remember back then hearing adults occasionally voice concern amongst each other during their chitchats about how much TV kids watch and how many parents “let the TV babysit their kids” and I’d roll my eyes because I didn’t see anything wrong with it. Of course now that I’m an adult I can see it would’ve been better if I’d had the kind of parents who enjoy having conversations with their little homies, but alas, I was blessed with the kind of parents who mainly talk to their kids to tell them what to do and chastise/spank/yell at them when they don’t do what they’re told.

It’s only been in recent years I’ve realized my parents were the norm for our generation, and it’s no coincidence that in the ‘70s and ‘80s sitcoms started educating kids about things that should’ve come from the parentals. Hell, even toys were created to make up for the lack of parental involvement. Remember Teddy Ruxpin?

Anyhoo, back to the old people complaining about how much TV we watched. Basically, they claimed TV would turn us into drooling troglodytes incapable of holding a job or getting into college, the ‘80s version of calling TV “brain rot”. But those people can fuck all the way off because you know what? I actually learned valuable morals and life lessons from those quality television shows with the laugh tracks, astroturf backyards, and silently swapped-out mid-season actors. I bet you did, too.

The following cautionary tales and educational sitcom moments were the first ones that sprang to my mind.

The signs of alcoholism. In the Family Ties episode “Say Uncle”, which aired in 1984, Tom Hanks guest starred as Elyse’s brother who visits and quickly spirals with his drinking problem. At first only Alex witnessed the signs of his uncle’s addiction, most memorably in a scene when he rummaged through their pantry in a panic searching for alcohol and then guzzled an entire bottle of vanilla extract. So when Alex raised concerns with the others it fell on deaf ears. Until the uncle drunkenly smacks Alex so hard he falls to the ground and his parents convince him to seek treatment.

I didn’t grow up in a family of drinkers. My mom and step-dad were the types to only buy beer or wine just so they had something to offer their friends when they had company visiting. I’d never seen anything that resembled a drinking problem in real life, so this episode was eye-opening to 9-year-old me. I wouldn’t be surprised if it planted a subconscious seed that helped make me a responsible drinker later in life. Unlike some of my teen friends who were so desperate to get into bars they bought fake IDs, I was content to wait until I turned 21. That said, there’s probably no genetic predisposition for addiction in my family, so who knows.

Some kids suffer far worse abuse than I did. In the Silver Spoons episode “Spare the Rod”, which also aired in ‘84, Ricky’s new friend is always sporting physical injuries that raise eyebrows, like a broken arm and bruises on his face. When questioned, he always has a story about him doing something “dumb” that caused the injuries but eventually he confesses his dad beats him. Then in true sitcom fashion everything gets swiftly addressed and resolved, with the abusive dad admitting he needs help and apologizing to his son.

The 1977 Good Times episode “The Evans Get Involved” is another example. I remember being horrified when I saw this rerun in the early ‘80s, because unlike the Silver Spoons episode where we only see his friend’s injuries, the GT episode showed Penny (played by adorable little Janet Jackson) being emotionally abused by her mother before she grabs the hot iron she was using and walks toward Penny to burn her with it (although I’m pretty sure they don’t actually show it happening). I don’t remember much else except Willona ends up adopting Penny.

I know this is a heavy topic that should be handled with the utmost sensitivity but can we give props to Willona’s smokin’ groovy style for a moment

Because what I was dealing with at home wasn’t the dire physical abuse I saw highlighted on TV, I didn’t recognize it as abuse at the time. Even today, some people will ignorantly claim spanking isn’t abuse, slapping your child in the face with an open hand isn’t abuse, and telling them to “shut up or I’ll give you something to cry about” isn’t abuse. I knew these things were wrong, but holy fuck at least I wasn’t burned with an iron or beaten. Still, all child abuse is wrong and it shouldn’t require severe trauma to be recognized as such.

Why it’s important to communicate clearly and not jump to conclusions. Longtime readers know my favorite show was Three’s Company. Some of you may only recall the show’s sex appeal and how every episode revolved around ridiculous misunderstandings but let me tell you, those misunderstandings taught me crucial wisdom. Every time Jack, Janet, and Chrissy got caught up in some absurd scenario that caused massive confusion, it was always obvious what they should have done to prevent the problems that arose. Jack should’ve told Mr. Furley what he was explicitly talking about instead of making implications, Mr. Roper shouldn’t have assumed to know what he was overhearing in that bathroom conversation, and Chrissy…well Chrissy had the IQ of a raisin so there was no hope for her anyway.

What sexual harassment is and why it’s wrong. Speaking of Three’s Company, in the season 6 episode titled “Some of that Jazz”, Janet takes dance lessons and the instructor tells her she has real talent that could go far. She’s super excited and decides to audition for the lead dancer in a show her instructor is casting. When he comes on to her at the audition and Janet rebuffs him, he suddenly backtracks on his previous compliment, telling her she “doesn’t have what it takes to make it as a dancer”. Then she responds in a way I’ve never forgotten: “You don’t have what it takes to make it as a human being.” It was remarkably powerful, and served to show little me that women have a voice and don’t have to take shit. Then Jack shows up and when Janet tells him what happened he offers a platonic shoulder to cry on and reassures her, another powerful scene for such an otherwise silly sitcom.

Sometimes the creepy man to look out for is the friendly neighborhood bike shop owner. As GenXers, we were warned of stranger danger. “Never get into someone’s car, even if they give you candy” we were told. But thanks to the 1983 episode of Diff’rent Strokes called “The Bicycle Man”, children learned the danger isn’t always from strangers.

Gordon Jump (of WKRP In Cincinnati fame) guest starred as a bike shop owner who lures little kids to his shop and invites them into the back room which is set up with arcade games and treats (like a modern version of the witch’s candy house in Hansel & Gretel). Let’s just say all sorts of inappropriate shit goes down and in the second episode (remember how awful it was to be hit with “TO BE CONTINUED” at a show’s conclusion?) the cops arrive to arrest the molester. This episode was so effective at showing kids the grooming behaviors of abusers that it led to a boy in real life recognizing them in a family acquaintance and calling the police.

What do you remember learning from ‘70s and ‘80s TV shows?